Think Forward Cack

Yeah yeah yeah, unlike other bloggers who have legitimate excuses for not blogging, like, say, they were on some spectacular expensive vacation or they've been so extremely unbelievably busy-busy, I have no excuse. Although, a lot of shit has happened to me over the past two weeks. Although I would like to encapsulate you with sordid, succulent, vibrant, juicy details, I'm going to recap the basics. I could write a novel:

1. I continued to exchange e-mails with Mr. CEO for lack of better judgement. We were this close to meeting about two times, and then I stopped responding 4 days ago. He e-mails me every day asking me to meet for a drink. Now, I've just become creeped out. Like I was this close to meeting a serial killer.

2. I met a gorgeous GQ modelish British 22 year old tourist boy. I despise 22 year olds, but he ended up coming over, and staying over at my house for like three days. We discussed the meaning of life over steaming hot chinese food and bitter wine holed up during the NY monsoon. He took lots of candid photos of me with his new camera. I was sure we were twin souls, meant to be together, separated by thousands of miles and I told him he should move to New York and become a model. Then, I realized I was a bit relieved when he finally left my house.

3. My new favorite word is cack. I like to add it to the end of everything I say.

4. I met a 30 year old blonde hair blue-eyed boy from Kosovo who is a manager of some restaurant on the Upper East Side. He buys me expensive lunches and drinks and I met him at some club and we ended up sucking face all night and he lives near my work and I've spent the night with him twice and... he aims to please. It's nice to walk to work in the morning. I think he might be a member of the Russian mafia. He has lots of cousins.

5. I met some guy named Omar who is a civil rights attorney. He keeps calling me. I think I accidentally gave him my number. The name Omar makes me laugh.

6. I've become a binge drinker. I like to get to the point now where I have the same conversation over and over with the same people just because I can't remember that I had the same conversation two minutes before. Sort of like self-induced amnesia.

7. I've become a quick change artist. I store all of my "going out" clothes in a closet at work and when the clock hits 5:30 I hit the handicapped bathroom and brush my teeth, smear my deoderant, spray lots of cheap perfume and put on a revealing top. I'm learning how to get free drinks. All I have to do is walk in a bar and stand there.

8. The founder of HotEnough.org who lives in Nutley, New Jersey (Nutley? Parsippany? Hoboken? The names kill me every time) has been asking me out. I think I might meet him next week. That'll definitely make a good post.

9. I found a good yet-what-seems-like-shady accountant who manipulated a good tax return for moi. I'm hoping to go shopping soon.

10. I'm exhausted. All of the going and coming and taking action and visualizing has worn me out. Like I could sleep for days.

Have I created a monster? Or, am I finally just being a fun, frivolous 27-year-old living in the city instead of my usual 80-year-old grandma self?

I don't know...but I do have a new motto:

Think forward. Always.