Best Dating Story EVER.

I have a great story to tell, but unfortunately (or fortunately) this one ISN'T mine. I swear, I swear I'm not writing this from another person's point of view just to make it seem like it didn't happen to me. This REALLY didn't happen to me, but it's SUCH a great date story that I have to share it... A girl friend of mine recently went on a date here in San Francisco with a neurologist. Here it goes, from HER perspective:

"So, we were out to dinner and we were having a really great time. He was super smart and engaging! After dinner, he asked me if I wanted to go for a coffee. I was having a good time, so I thought, why not? So, we get in his car and start driving and it took us FOREVER to find a parking spot for some coffee house he wanted to take me to.

We FINALLY find a parking spot and all of a sudden, I look over at him and he grabs his stomach in complete agony and screams and moans at the top of his lungs. I thought he was DYING or having a HEART ATTACK or something. I was SO scared I didn't know what to do! I started to pat his back and tried to ask him what was wrong! Like, where was the pain? Should I call 9-11? WHAT DO I DO? WHAT DO I DO?

After three minutes of watching him howl and cry, I decided to call 9-11. I reached for my phone and then he grabbed me, violently screaming "NO NO NO don't call an ambulance!"

I was so scared and perplexed about what the HELL was happening to this guy! About a minute later he stands straight up and says:

"I just took a shit in my pants."

I almost fell to the ground in complete disgust. This guy just took a shit. In his pants. In front of me.

He then went to the trunk of his car, got a GARBAGE BAG out and placed it in the driver's seat. Had he done this before??? Is that why he had garbage bags in his trunk?

The guy THEN got a pipe out of his pocket, leaned against the car and started smoking tobacco. Guess he needed a smoke after that long shit.

I quickly walked away and hailed a cab."

And I really thought I had some horror stories. Remind me never to date a neurologist.