If I have to create or remember another username and a password for ONE more fricking website, I'm going to literally rip off my own head and shit down my neck.
I can't remember all of my passwords or usernames to the 50 gazillion websites I "have" to log on to on a minute-by-minute basis. Some sites require at least seven characters. Some sites require seven characters, plus a number and a sign language hand signal and the nickname for your mother's ass. Then, there are the sites that like you to mix it up and periodically change your password and/or username just so you can shuffle your brain around into one big hemorrhaging mess.
Yes, I know you are thinking, when she tries to login, why doesn't she just check the box that says "remember me?"
Oh, the "remember me" trick will only go so far. This invention thing called computers will occasionally and only remember my username, so, when I attempt to log on to my important shopping-social networking-bill paying-bank account viewing-dating-email-blogging-job hunting WEBSITES, I can't remember my password and my mind becomes jumbled and I start to hear voices in my head so I can RETRIEVE my password:
"No, no, no! This is the site where you had to tell them your favorite color, remember? But what was my favorite color at that time? I think it was purple. Yeah, purple. Wait, no. Maybe I said blue? Oh yes! Now I remember. This was the site that asked where my mother was born. Did I say the city or the state where my Mother was born? I think I said the city. Hmmmm. Wait! Maybe this was the site where I gave them my middle name and favorite number as my password and username? Or, was it the other way around? But, I have more than one favorite number. Was this the site where I had to pick a three-digit security number? I know I don't have a favorite three-digit number. I only have a favorite one-digit number or two-digit number but not a three-digit one. Who the hell has a favorite three-digit number anyway?"
By the time I figure out the "security" question answer and the computer looks back at me and says that my password and username information has been sent to my registered e-mail account for the site, I can't REMEMBER which e-mail I gave the site.
"Was it my junk e-mail address? Or did I give them my new one or the old one that I have on AOL? No I think it was the Yahoo one. But I can't remember the password anymore to my Yahoo account, so Yahoo will have to send me my password again. But what alternate e-mail did I give at my Yahoo address? Was it my AOL e-mail address? I think I gave my work address. But they just gave me a new password for my work address through Outlook so I can't access the server from home! What am I going to do? OK OK. Calm down. Breathe. You really don't need that book on different sex positions. You can figure the positions out just fine. Oh! NOW I remember. I gave my old Hotmail address to Yahoo! Yeah, the one with that old password you used to use when you lived in Italy! But wait, that password was in Italian I'm sure. And remember you have an American keyboard now so you can't put the accent mark above the letter E!"
I currently have eight different windows open on my desktop and I'm trying to buy something with PayPal but I can't remember my PayPal account information.
"Was it my credit card or debit card? If it was my debit card, which debit card was it? Was it my Citibank or Washington Mutual? Maybe I gave them the old one from Texas? But what was the security number on the back of that card? There's NO way I can remember that. I can't even remember the pin number to that card! Does my Mom maybe have it? I think the security code might be in that old wallet in that small box that I finally brought here to NY from my parent's house! But wait. Didn't I throw that box away?"
OK. Now I'm logging OUT.
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