OK, OK, considering that I'm an internet addict, I have to admit that I've tried a few online dating sites. On one site, I met a closet crackhead, a retarded idiot savant,(aren't they all retarded?) and a guy obsessed with the Periodic Chart of Elements and his new three bedroom house in New Jersey. He had a huge bald spot on the back of his head. In his online photo, you couldn't see this perplexity. Oh! Almost forgot, there was also the guy with a twitchy left eye and possible water on the brain.
After such jolting, eye-opening scary encounters,(are people really that ugly on the inside and outside?) I decided to take a break this winter, and well, I have to say I've been a bit bored.
Yes, I have had the occasional drunken tryst with the stranger at the bar. By tryst, I mean sucking their face in between vodka shots and convincing myself that I have a connection with this person and he might really be nice. So...I guess I'm admitting that I don't do one night stands or go home with potential serial killers. I'm just not brave enough.
When my friend told me about her experience, I really haven't been that interested. Me and General Tso's chicken have gotten along really well these past few months.
Now that Spring has semi, semi, semi-sprung, I'm feeling particularly perky, optimistic, hopeful, like there is someone out there who doesn't have an eye twitch and isn't too smart.
I subscribed to a different site, and more importantly, I just found another site that seems rather interesting.
HotEnough.org, a highly selective site, where only good looking people can get on, seems like the answer to all my online dating woes. Wait, that came out wrong. Not to say I'm good looking or anything.
I just submitted three photos and I'm pending approval.
But, what if I don't get approved? Does that mean I'm not hot enough? I'm used to all the weirdos on regular dating sites fawn over my semi-decent (unprofessional I might add) photos. But still, what if I'm not hot enough? What if I'm not hot enough? WHAT IF I'M NOT HOT ENOUGH?
As I write this, I'm biting my nails and continuously checking my inbox to see if the HotEnough people have approved me.
If they do approve me, it definitely calls for a new post. If they don't approve me by tomorrow, let's say, then it definitely calls for a post on superficiality and how we're not our bodies and it's what's on the inside that counts.
Is it gettin' hot in here or is it just me?
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