Love Forecast: Chilly But Clear

So, I've been perusing through HotEnough.org. It Sucks with a capital S. When I go to the search menu and type in "Men, ages 25-45, within 25 miles of New York, NY, FOUR men show up. That's right, FOUR men. In a city of 8 million, FOUR men stare back at me from the computer screen. One of the four doesn't even count because he lives in Parsippany, New Jersey. Parsippany? Parsippany? Who makes up these names?

Maybe they have some more tweaking to do on the site. Or, maybe more people need to sign the fuck up. Such an illusion! Such a gimmick! My inbox is at 0.

I got a call last night from one of my potential men on my other "dating" site. Before I listened to the message, I said a lil' prayer:

"Dear God, if you exist, and I know you do because I'll be off of work for the third day in a row, please, please, don't let this guy's voice be high pitched. Please don't let him have a lisp. Please make him sound normal. Please let him leave a witty message that would make me want to call him back."

I played the message:

"That's really funny...Hey (name retracted), this is (name retracted) from Yahoo....It's not quite as beautiful out as it was yesterday, but hey it could be worse. Just callin' to say hey...give me a call when you get a chance."

First of all, WHAT was really funny? And, why was he talking about the weather? The last time I had a guy leave a message about the weather on my voicemail, I ended up in a three month relationship with him and he turned out to be a hedge fund cokehead:

"Hey (name retracted) it's (name retracted) from Match.com. Oh God. The weather is so amazing, so beautiful. I'm driving out of the city now with my top down...and...oh....it's incredible! Give me a call when you get a chance."

I mean, who really cares about the weather? Do you sit around thinking about the weather? Do you leave messages with your friends talking about the slight breeze in the air or how the temperature dropped from 62 to 58?

I'm learning that the weather is THE topic for New Yorkers. EVERY conversation at work or with friends starts out with:

"It's nice out today," or "Oh God, it's cold! Freezing!" or "You know, it's supposed to rain next Thursday?" or "Did you go out this weekend? The weather was perfect."

I'm from Texas, so, to me, the topic of weather is the LAST thing you talk about with someone. It usually happens as an afterthought because you've run out of things to talk about and you realize you don't have anything in common with this person.

Do New Yorkers have an obsession with the weather because the weather here is so shitty? Like, it's a miracle when the sun comes out, or everyone is holed up in their cubicles for such long periods of time that when they see the sun or smell fresh air they freak out? Or, the dark, jagged concrete buildings hide the sky and when New Yorkers actually look up they have an impulse to comment on the clouds or the storm headed our way?

Do you think when someone steps out of their villa in Bermuda they say "Wow. Great Weather." Isn't it sort of implied that it's great weather? Is there a need to discuss it?

Everyone at work has the local forecast at the top of their favorites on their computers. Are people just that boring that the weather is the ONLY thing to discuss? Will talking about the weather change the weather? Will analyzing the weather change the weather?

People are also obsessed with the weather forecasters here on the news. The meteorologists here are superstars. Royalty. Like THEY are responsible for the changes in the weather and they can part the Red Sea. They are GODS.

Since I'm coming out of my shell a little more this Spring, I'm convinced I might have that thing called Seasonal Affective Disorder. You know, where you're sad when it's cold and happy when it's warm. But, have I developed it because I live in New York? And, really, who the hell is happy in subzero weather? Let me go frolick in the black disgusting sludge piled up on the streets.

Maybe I'm too picky with men? Maybe I should call him back?

Maybe I'll meet him for a drink next week if the weather is nice.