Innocent Until Proven Guilty...I Guess.

I feel so guilty because I've taken off of work. I also feel guilty because I didn't get to meet Donny Deutsch today. There goes my destiny, fluttering away saying "Catch Me if You Can!"

In the year that I've been with this company, I've never taken any sick days. Yes, I've had the mornings where I was so hung over that the acid vomiting sensation would make it halfway up my throat. I've also had the days where I could still taste the Crown Royale bubbling, gurgling in my espophogus begging me to throw it up. Throw it ALL up. Then, I've had the days where my ovaries felt like they were twisted and I was bleeding so much that I would imagine myself dead on the subway platform in a heaping pool of blood. The headline in the Post would have read:

"THE BLOODY RED LINE - Woman Bleeds to Death While Waiting for the 1 Train. Why Millions of New York Women Experience Her Symptoms Every Day But Too Afraid to Act. What YOU Need to Know."

Oh, I've also had days where the blinding rage of no sleep turns me into an evil treacherous monster and I feel like murdering the next homeless person on the subway who says he's a "veteran" and he's "different."

But, through all of this, I've always managed to make it to work. I've endured. Now, this sprained ankle thing has really left me stumped. I can't control things any more.

I read an article about "blogging in the office" yesterday and apparently, it's supposed to be good for company morale. It said that the average person is only productive two hours out of any given work day. So taking breaks to write about the latest douchebag or Sorority queen kiss ass new employee is actually beneficial. A release if you will. I'm still worried my bosses will somehow see this and fire me because of my split personality disorder. "SHE WROTE WHAT? ABOUT WHAT?"

Having this ankle thing happen has really made me appreciate the people I work with. I've realized that I'm really not alone in this supposedly big, bad city. Maybe I made too big of a deal about my little accident and somehow subconsciously wanted the attention? Fuck if I know. I still feel guilty.

But, I think sometimes these things happen to make us realize and stop and really examine our lives. Is there ever enough time to really examine our lives though? Tomorrow will be my third day off and the profound epiphany that I've been expecting still hasn't hit me.

It all stems back to that experiment with the fishes and the glass partition. These scientists put a glass partition in the middle of a fish tank and placed three fish on the left side. After three weeks, the scientists removed the glass partition and the fishes wouldn't move from the left side. They thought the partition was still there.

Is that like our lives? When we are finally away from our so called day jobs, would we recreate the same shit, the same barriers, the same problems all over again?

Shit if I know. But I do know that if I would have met the Deutschster today, I wouldn't need a day job.